I often confuse myself. And, I often think too much. And, I am often too sensitive. You know, just those quirky things about me….
One thing I have learned, though, is that when I go MIA it is usually because i just don’t ‘feel’ like writing. So, I am thinking I need to get over this.
I enjoy writing. I enjoy sharing with others. I enjoy writing about the quirky and the quiet. So, consider this my public challenge to myself to just get over it….and write!
(Aren’t those ‘puppies’ cute….)
This post will make most of you shake your head and wonder why it took me so long to “get it”, but alas…..it did. A few things I’ve realized over the past weeks and finally come to grips with –
- Concealer is a necessity – not just for those late nights or lack of sleep nights, but now necessary every day, no matter how long or well I slept the night before.
- We’ve been “Dave Ramsey'”ing it, thus when the hair dryer broke, I did not buy a new one. Note to self – buy a hair dryer…your self image and your hair needs it. That good ol air dry look simply doesn’t cut it anymore.
- I cannot multi-task like i used to – you know, listening to 3 girls chatting non-stop about their day, having my own thoughts of trying to figure out what is for supper, continuing to think about an issue I’m trying to resolve, and trying to figure out if my husband will be home for dinner and if not then maybe we can have pizza, but then thinking there isn’t budget money for that, and then oh, the budget…did I pay the bills due on the 15th….what did you say, girls? I can only do ONE thinking thing at a time.
- At the end of the day I simply must reserve a little energy for my husband. I can try and go the extra mile, but falling asleep at 8 when he is telling me about his day just isn’t great for the marriage.
Yep – taken me 30+ years to figure some of those out and finally get them through this thick skull of mine, BUT alas I have figured them out (at least for today)……
Do you ever have moments when you want to take your family, rush into the middle of no where and just settle. Away from the pressures of life. Away from the pressures of their peers. Away from bad decisions. Away from bad people. Away from busy-ness. Away from the many things that consume us that simply don’t matter. I call it my cave.
Often times when I hear bad news, or when I hear of struggles of friends or watch others make choices that are not wise, I start thinking of my cave. We’d be happy. We’d be self-sufficient. And, we’d have no influences but our own (again, this is MY cave, remember). Yet, what wouldn’t’ we have? Connection with the rest of our family. Connection with others to teach us and train us. Learning moments. And most importantly, we would not be the salt and light in the world.
“There is a reason why Jesus calls His disciples salt and light. We know that salt and light only make a difference when it makes contact. Salt can only preserve something that’s rotting when it makes contact with what it is that it’s rotting. You know, light can only shine in the darkness if it makes contact with the darkness. ” Ed Stetzer
People seem to cause me some of the greatest joys, and also some of the greatest heartaches – all within minutes of each other sometimes.
I have learned over the years to not be as sensitive as I used to be, but it is still quite hard. The smallest glance not given, the tone of voice said slightly skewed, the lack of respect can send me spiraling to the ‘people don’t care about me’ mood.
But, I’ve found that I do the same thing. I get consumed with a thought that I ignore an entire dialogue by my children. I can be thinking so intently of something that it consumes the way I behave, the way I smile, and the way I speak and yet it usually has nothing to do with any person I am around.
It all makes me wonder, then, how many people have I sent into heartache because of my carelessness and my intense focus on ME. Far too many, I am afraid.
When those moments come that I think ‘poor me’, I then stop. Take a step back and look outward, not inward. I look for gratitude, not greediness for my own ways. And, if that doesn’t work, I step away and spend some time with my Creator who can love me no more, and no less than He already does. He knows my thoughts before I think them, He knows my days, and He has a plan and a purpose for me. And in that, I will dwell.
I know I have mentally ‘had enough’ when it exhausts me to think about writing, or to simply do anything beyond what is necessary to keep the sanity in my home. And, that is what this week has been so far. There are no specifics, no exact reasons, but simple mental and emotional exhaustion. Rather than letting things go, I’ve kept it all up in my head, swirling and swirling around, trying to figure out the best solution, only to be thwarted by no solution. And where has this got me? Nowhere but the land of Grumpy……as Eeyore says ‘ Oh Bother…..’
Makes me laugh every time (and I won’t tell you I also have this up in my office in magnet-form, but no one seems to notice…..)