Or shall it be called Daring to Disappoint? Either way – disappointment for me…for some, maybe not so much. Saturday, July 27. 3 months after my first triathlon. I had been training – again – for 3 months with the goal to be able to run some of this 5k portion. I am a fast walker and am 100% okay with that at the end of the triathlon (I mean really – half the pack is walking by that point, so I don’t feel too awkward!). The swim was a lake swim – BRAND new for me and the most nerve wracking part. Bike was 17 miles. And then the 5k.
Race day came. I drove the course, as it helps me a lot when biking to know exactly how much is left, how many hills I have, etc. Call me crazy – I can give 100% when I know what is coming, but if I do not – well, I only give about half. (Isn’t there a life lesson in that?). I was ready. The water was calm. I can do this.
The swim was excellent. There were no fish swimming alongside me. No women hitting me with their feet or their arms as they swam. I could clearly see the buoys to guide my swim – yippee!! According to my biggest fan, I was toward the front of the pack of ladies. Woo hoo.
Transition to the bike. Started well and then….my body decided it didn’t like racing anymore. It wanted to stop. This wasn’t a training issue. This was a health issue that I thought was taken care of 10 years ago and on this very day – the day I had been training for – the day I was going to finally prove to myself that I was a triathlete – my body said no. I had to make a choice to stop or risk possibly injuring myself. Sounds like an easy decision, right? But, you are talking to the girl who doesn’t like failure and who would not let anyone come “watch” her race (except her biggest fan) because she didn’t want others to see her possibly fail and disappoint them and herself. I had to choose to stop (and in my mind fail to complete my goal) or keep going at a risk to myself. Writing that now – so petty and rather self-absorbed, if I do say so myself. At those moments, though…. those 10 miles before I stopped were fraught with dilemma.
My 2nd Tri didn’t end as I wanted it to and it took me several days to get over my disappointment. In retrospect, though, it was the right decision and it scares me to think of the outcome if I had pushed through the hills of the last 7 miles on the bike and the 5k.
All that to say – hind sight is 20/20, right? Funny how we can convince ourselves of something to be so right – so very right to finish that race – in the midst of the detriment to ourselves and detriment to others. Yet, we struggle deeply with making the truly right decision. I have watched people within my sphere do that and wondered how/why they didn’t see the bigger picture and how they could be so self-consumed. Yet – here I was, taking myself down that road in a matter of minutes. Oh, how frail we are in thinking we can overcome our self absorption on our own. I do believe someone wrote about that….in that Book called the Bible. The human condition – always the same.