Epic Fail

{Epic} – heroic, majestic, impressively great

{Fail} – to fall short of success in something expected/desired

As previous posts have indicated, I’ve been married for 18 years now.  In that time, we’ve had our ups and downs as any couple.  There is one thing, though, that I thought I was ‘done with’ and found out this week that it is still lurking around, ready to pounce.

You see, I used to get a little ticked at my husband when he was late (even if 5 minutes) as I had spent all day tending to the little ones, maintaining the house, and not stopping from the time those little ones woke up.  So, when my husband said he’d be home at 6, I counted down the minutes.  So, once it was 6:01 and my potential for 5 quiet minutes diminished, my anger and frustration went up….frantically and drastically.

I am embarrassed now at how petty I was at times with that dear man.  We both learned many lessons – he about communicating and I learned about respecting my husband, and having realistic expectations.  The one lesson, though, that I thought had stuck with me was how literally stupid it was to get so angry…what did it accomplish?  He wasn’t coming home any sooner, the kids weren’t going to become ‘nicer’ because mom was more frustrated, and I would end up bottling it all in, just waiting to explode when he finally walked in the door.  I really thought I was done with that immaturity and pettiness…. NOT.

Fast track (or back track for that matter) to this week.  Long long day of work for me and I was mentally exhausted by the time I went to pick up the children from school.  There was much sighing and rolling of eyes between the sisters throughout the evening full of errands and other activities.

When we finally arrive home late in the evening, my dear sweet husband isn’t home still.  After 104 questions from the children where the dear man is, I call him only to find out he is still enjoying a leisurely dinner out with friends.  And here, my friends, is where the crap rose to the top.  I was mad.  And I let him know.  And I didn’t care who heard.  And let me tell you, it has been years since I have spoken with my dear sweet husband like that on the phone.  And in 10 seconds, it was like none of the lessons were learned and I was back to square one.

As you can imagine, it took the rest of the night for the whole family to work all of this out – I apologized to my children for the way I treated their father, settled their tears, handled their attitudes.  And, after a little while, the man returned home.  I sat in silence on the couch, not looking at him.  I was still reeling in what I had done.  Sure, there was a bit of fault on his end as he didn’t realize the time, etc. etc. but there was absolutely no reason for my disrespect.  And, to top it off, apparently the restaurant chose to be quiet at that time and those friends could hear my side of the conversation.  Oh, the consequences of 10 seconds…..

All is well now – I am humbled and struck with the depth of my selfishness still, have apologized to my husband and asked for forgiveness, and am back to learning the value of “quick to listen and slow to anger” that I thought I had figured out.  Life is a continual adventure, and like any adventurer you have to always be aware of your weaker areas, knowing that in just a brief moment, that weakness could be your downfall – figuratively and literally.

2 thoughts on “Epic Fail

  1. Way to go, Daughter! Gut honesty and realism…hope to read more of this type of “stuff” since we’re all in the same boat. I love and respect you for your honesty and sharing You! MOM

  2. This is the real stuff, right? Wow. I’ve been this spot more times than I care to admit. Such a good reminder to not sit there, but to pull yourself out of humiliation and frustration and work to repair what was wrong. Never easy for me. 🙂

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